Today’s favorite Natalie memory:

Natalie has always been a great sleeper.  She slept through the night when she was 6 days old and even though we had to feed her in the middle of the night we’d pick her up, change her, stick a bottle in her mouth, she would eat, we’d burp her, put her back in the crib and she’d fall right back asleep.  Since she’s gotten a little older, she’s really started to express her enjoyment in wanting to sleep and will curl up on the floor and get her blanket and stuffed animal of choice and say, “Mama, tuck in please?  Tuck in?” And lay down and pretend to sleep.  Thank the Lord she got her daddy’s sleeping pattern.  He, too, slept through the night at a young age (around 2 weeks I think) whereas I was up nights for months.  My baby loves to sleep and I love to watch her do it.

Today’s favorite Natalie memory:

Natalie has been going to church, since we go as a family, since she was 4 weeks old.  In fact, on Christmas Eve 2007 she “played” the baby Jesus in church at the Christmas Eve service.  Although we pray with her at bedtime and say grace at the table, I had assumed that it would be at least a year or two before we started discussing exactly who Jesus is and what He means to our family.  I was wrong.  This past summer, when she was 18-19 months old, I found her walking around the house with her hands folded saying “Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus.”  I don’t have a picture because by the time I got my camera she had stopped, and I’m not sure whether she was thanking Jesus for … the house, or the dog, or what.  But the fact that my 18 month old even understands or verbalizes gratitude to God makes my heart happy.  Now she can even tell us when we ask her, “Natalie, how do we pray?” she folds her hands and says, “Thank you God!” and if I ask her what the Bible says we should do, and what we should do ALL the time she says, “Pray!”  I hope and pray that one day she will truly understand the sacrifice the Father has made for us.

Today’s favorite Natalie memory:

Although I don’t remember much about Natalie’s actual birth because I was anesthetized for the c-section (and I react funny to anesthesia), I remember much about that first few days of her life.  One of the things that JJ and I had talked about was that we wanted to raise our daughter to be independent.  Not necessarily someone who doesn’t want us, but someone who knows that her own opinions are important and that as she grows up, she’ll be trusted with more choices.  Both JJ and I are fairly independent people and were of the breed that when we went off to college kept home at arm’s length so that we could gain a path to our own lives.  But this is one of my favorite memories because I had no idea independence was going to come this quickly.  After 3-4 days in the hospital we were getting ready to go home and I gave her a bottle as my mom and JJ were packing up our stuff, and I look down and exclaim “GET THE CAMERA!  SHE’S HOLDING IT HERSELF!”  That’s right, my 4-day old held up her own bottle.  And it was a sign of who our girl was going to become.  She has continued to want to be independent with, “I do it,” or even “Na-na help, ok?”  It has helped with potty training and the table manners (although sometimes it has challenged us with discipline!) and dressing herself in the morning.  She’s my  independent girl.  But she’s still mine and her daddy’s.  For now anyway.

Natalie will be two a week from today.  TWO!  So in honor of my beautiful girl, I will be dedicating a week of blog posts to her with some of my favorite memories.

Today’s memory is our first trip to the pool.  Although I had hoped that my child would enjoy the pool, I had no idea she would enjoy it as much as she did.  Our neighborhood pool opened at the beginning of May, when Natalie was about 5 months old, and I just had to get her in there.  With swim diaper and suit on, off we went.  The water was probably 68 degrees at the warmest and the temperature outside wasn’t exactly balmy.  But my Natalie LOVED it.  We played until her feet and lips started to turn blue and she got angry with us for taking her out.  During the summer we go (almost) every day and her joy at the water is wonderful to see.  Oh, and the dunking?  She loves it.  “More mommy?  More go under!”

Work is out of control, in a good way.  Conferences and seminars followed by accreditation committee visits plus open houses equals a very tired faculty.  And that’s okay because it’s all for the good of the kids, but I’m ready for Thanksgiving break already!  Next week will be a busy one, too.  Natalie’s birthday party is on Tuesday followed by house cleaning Wednesday, cooking and in-laws arriving Thursday, Natalie’s actual birthday (2 years old – that was fast …) on Friday, and then a weekend and back to school Monday.  I take it back, I’m ready for Christmas!

I have enjoyed the last few weeks, as busy as they have been, because of the things that we have been doing and the people we have seen and the food we have eaten and the time we have spent.  My parents came to visit last week and they always come bearing gifts.  And I don’t mean the ribbon-wrapped kind, I mean the daily-life kind, you know the groceries, diapers, new shoes that don’t hurt my feet, vacuumed carpets, cleaned out garages, laundrying-doing kind.  Not that I don’t like the ribbon-wrapped kind, but the daily-life kind are hard to find sometimes, and they are the gifts that I often take for granted.  But now they’ve gone and JJ has been adequately supplied with kung pao chicken and sticky rice for at least another 6-8 weeks, Natalie and I have our tasty turnip cake (it tastes better than it sounds), and we won’t have to do laundry for a good … well, 4 or 5 days at least.

A week from Friday our baby turns two.  I’m not complaining because I love this age, but I want to know, how can it be possible that it’s been 2 years already?  She is a walking, talking, personality thriving little girl whose favorite things are bunnies and bears, dress up and cooking, toy cars, and the other day, just for fun, we put her on a bike at REI and she knew what to do with the pedals.  She’s two!  She’ll be able to help decorate the house and Christmas tree this year, and we’ll live in constant fear that she’s going rip something or tip something over.  She’ll eat mashed potatoes and green beans and have birthday cake.  And she’ll smile at me and her daddy like we’re the best thing ever and that makes the ripped decorations and spilled food and noise all worth it.  She’s becoming a little person and I’m just fighting to keep up, to raise her in the way that God has called us to raise her, to be another servant for His kingdom.  It’s a little common sense and a lot of prayer, a little fun and a lot of intentionality, a little tiring and a lot of reward.  But my baby is turning two in 10 days and I am as excited for her as I am for anything.

I have a 19 pound turkey awaiting its trip to the bathtub to defrost (yes, that’s where we defrost our turkeys – Natalie finds it hysterical) and then its day in a brine bath and then into the oven.  I have potatoes waiting to be diced and mashed, sweet potatoes waiting for butter and brown sugar, I have apples waiting to be made into apple pie and a recipe for brioche rolls for breakfast the next morning.  I love Thanksgiving because of the smells that come from my kitchen, the little girl underfoot wanting to help “pat pat pat” the pie crust or “stir stir stir” the stuffing or “chop chop” the apples, the smiles from my family, and the taste of the food, the fact that my husband does the dishes and we spend time with our daughter.  I love that we don’t travel at Thanksgiving – that’s the rule.  We stay home and if people want to visit, great, but we’re not going anywhere.  I love that it’s the only one of the 3 holidays (Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas) that we can establish our own traditions, instead of being thrust into existing ones.  One day I hope for Christmas and Easter traditions of our own, but for now we honor the traditions of JJ’s and my families, and I’m okay with that.  After all, it’s family.  But eventually I want Natalie to remember her mommy and daddy and our family traditions.  All in good time.

Well, I did it.  I ran a half marathon.  And it was glorious.  It was cold and wet (51 degrees, 10-15 mph winds, heavy rain during parts), and hilly but I did it.  More importantly, I had a really good time doing it.  It’s supposedly not recommended to decide whether or not I want to do another one of these within a week of the race, but I’m fairly certain I want to do another half sometime in the not-so-distant future.  I loved it – loved the pounding feet and watching the people go by, loved the air in my lungs, loved the continuous movement of it all.  I will admit, I did not love the pouring rain, but that’s part of the reason I want to do another one, because the weather couldn’t possibly (she says with fingers crossed) be as bad as the last one.

Mile by mile I watched the weather change and the people around me change.  The first 2 miles I was almost a minute ahead of my per mile pace.  After that it started getting really cold and really wet so I definitely started to slow down.  Around mile 8 I started to regret not doing more hill training.  Mile 12 I wished I wasn’t so reliant on my glasses – they had been wet since mile 3, but now between the heat coming off my body and the rain and the wind, they were starting to fog up big time.  The only thing I could see was Rob’s blue running shirt next to me.  Our clothes were soaked through to the skin.  I was wringing water out of my shirt and shorts just to get them not to stick.  But as we approached the finish, I was glad I had done it.  Thrilled in fact, although I probably didn’t express it adequately because I was freezing cold.

My awesome friend Rob, who got me into this running thing in the first place, ran the race with me.  Paid the entry free, got up at the crack of dawn, drove out there, ran with me the whole messy, windy, rainy 13.1 miles.  Rob’s amazing wife, Nikki, got up at the crack of dawn, drove out there with us, held our stuff, got soaked waiting for us to come by, and supported us in the wee hours of the morning.  One of the coolest things about this race was the support I got from Rob and Nikki.  There just aren’t that many people out there who would run 13.1 miles just for kicks, just for a friend.  And so my heartfelt gratitude goes out to Rob and Nikki for their support and enthusiasm and willingness through all of this.  Friends like you are rare, I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life.  I could not have done this without you both.  Thank you.

Of course my incredible husband, who got up early in the morning to watch Natalie so I could train, who came out in the rain with a 2 year old to support me, who allowed me the time I needed to get ready for this, was my stronghold.  I was constantly reminded as I trained what a patient and generous man I married.  I am blessed to call him mine forever.  I could not have even dreamed of doing it without him.  Thank you.

And as for the next one?  I’m already looking at event dates because I loved it.  I had originally thought that the next thing I was going to aim for was a full marathon but I think that I’m a half-marathon girl for now.  And as soon as my legs will bend normally again, I’m going to start training for number 2.

I have seen lately the fragility of life.  Not just the bodily life, although I did experience that in the last weeks as well.  But life as an institution, life as an existence, life as a path, a road to be traveled.  I consider myself privileged to have a God who loves me as I am, a husband who isn’t far behind, and a daughter who looked at me today and said, “My mommy … I kiss you,” and a dog that loves to be scratched and petted and really could probably live on love alone.  I have a job that I love, that daily helps me fulfill my mission for God, and am surrounded by those who love and serve the Lord.  I am abundantly blessed and sure, I work hard at it (sometimes harder than others, but always working) but in the end, the Father has laid before me a feast of abundant joy and hope, not just here but in eternity.  But around me, I see the fallenness of man.

So often it makes me long for it to be over – not this life, but this brokenness.  But we carry on, don’t we?  We keep marching on.  We make ourselves numb to what’s going on around us, because this is the only way we can cope – it is the only way our ravaged hearts can keep beating without weeping.  We make ourselves think it’s just not that bad, that we  just have to live with it.  The numbness is better than feeling the pain, so we accept it.  Because if we feel too much, it might hurt.  Or if we’re hurting others, we make ourselves numb to their pain, because if we feel their pain, we might not do what we want to anymore.  The fight between pain and numbness is never ending.

And I wonder why I’m one of the lucky ones, who doesn’t have to be in the fight.

I love that she thanks Jesus for mommy and daddy.

I love that she snores.  You know, just a little bit.  Because I snore.  And her daddy snores.  One of those little things that confirms she’s ours.

I love that he insists on hugs and kisses from her (and, frankly, from me, too).  Yeah, that’s right, he’s man enough.

I love that she loves to eat fruit.  Sure, she’s borderlining on vegetarian, but she loves her fruit and veggies.

I love that her first words in the morning are “Hi, Mama!”  No matter what I had to punish her for last night, or how yesterday was, she’s happy to see me.

I love that she loves school and is like a little sponge, soaking it all in.

I love that she loves jeans and sneakers.  That’s my girl!

Mostly I love that when I look at her I see God’s love.  Because I think that’s what He intended for me to see.  And I can’t complain about that.

Yes it’s true, survey stolen from Rachel.  See her original post here.

Apparently this is standard now, 2 weeks between posts.  Guess that means I’m keeping myself plenty busy.

Quick updates:

*Half-marathon training going very well … am really starting to love the running feeling, although the weather has helped with that, too.  Not-90 helps that a lot.  Did 10 miles yesterday morning and it took 1:54:50 which puts me at around 11:30 a mile, which is well below my 12 minute mile mark for the actual half.  I hope it keeps going that well!

*School is freakishly busy but I love coming home at the end of the day knowing that I did a good day’s work.  Note that I didn’t say that I did a good job, just a good day’s work.  More often than not, I can always think of something I could have done better, think of a situation where I should have paused, asked God for guidance, and then proceeded, but in the end, I do hope that the kids are being changed for the glory of God.  And if they are … then I’ve done my job.

*Last night JJ and I had a date night – first in about 3 months.  The good news is, we take advantage of everything and every second we have, when we have those nights.  It was a fun night, good conversation, and these always help our marriage feel refreshed and realigned.  And that’s a good thing.

*Finally, this weekend, I have to admit I fell madly in love … with my daughter.  Something about the person she is becoming has just totally stolen my entire being.  So this is for her.

Dear Natalie,

You’re talking a lot these days.  Mommy has to admit that I don’t always know what you’re saying or what you’re even talking about but you’re getting so good at communicating concepts that about half of the time I can figure it out, and I think that makes you happy.

You have your own personality now: you’re headstrong, sweet, funny and you love to randomly run up and give mommy and daddy hugs and kisses.  So far you’re not very good at sharing mom and dad, but we can understand that.  You’ve recently started to ask for “menow” in your hair (translation: my bow) and I’m always happy to oblige.  Then you always want to run to the mirror to see “ppeee aaaaaare” (translation: pretty hair).  There’s a little girl in there, but it’s the same little girl that says, “Momma!  Kick! Ball!” and then screeches with glee when the ball moves, the same little girl that says she wants to go outside over and over, and the same little girl that would rather run around with the little boys than sit and play with dolls.  You are mommy’s girl all over.

I just want you to know that I love you lots.  I thank Jesus every single minute for you and through you I can see God’s love better.  I don’t know how God could have given up his Son for us … He must have loved us so very very much.  I hope to tell you that story some day, so that you understand how our hearts can be full of love for you!

Love,

Mommy.