Talking A Foreign Language

It’s fascinating how different my daughters are. Already I can see marked differences in their personalities although they look very very similar so far. The biggest difference may end up being their love languages. Those of you who have never read The Five Love Languages, in short, each person has a primary (or maybe 2 primary) love language. This language is the way a person experiences love from others, and quite frequently, expresses love as well. The languages are quality time, physical affection, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service.

Natalie’s primary love language appears to be gifts. It’s taken me a little while and a lot of empirical evidence to come to that conclusion and I believe that quality time is a close second. But Natalie loves gifts – no matter how small or large. If I just pull a piece of fruit out of the refrigerator and wash it, slice it, call her over and say, “Natalie, look what mommy got for you,” she beams, her eyes light up and she thanks me profusely. And then about 20% of the time might follow it up with, “But I’m not hungry mommy.” Nonetheless, nothing else can do that for her. If I happen to be shopping and get her something, which she already needed like a toothbrush, she takes that toothbrush and has to show everyone what mommy got her. It’s been fun to make “gifts” out of band-aids, toothbrushes, flossers, toothpaste, underwear, fruit, and on and on. Very rarely do I actually need to get a “special treat” like a toy or a book. Just getting her something she needs gives her an amazing thrill. Quality time is a close second. Natalie adores her mommy-daughter and daddy-daughter dates. We take turns taking her for breakfast or frozen yogurt, to the library, or other places and she soaks it all in and talk about it for days.

And then there’s Ginnie. Ginnie’s love language, even at 5 weeks old, is so apparent already: physical affection. By the time that Natalie was 6 or 7 weeks old she didn’t like to be held or touched (she still doesn’t) and preferred to be left alone to study a mobile or a toy. Not so with Ginnie. Park her in your lap or in the crook of your arm and she’s happy. Put her down and she gets cranky. Pretty amazing that at this age it’s that apparent.

Natalie might have gotten her gifting language from me. Ginnie probably got hers from her dad. Natalie and I are sort of in a weird category, though. I’ve always felt that people whose love language is gifts end up struggling to get others to understand exactly what that language is like. It’s awkward for us. I mean, imagine someone telling you that in order to feel loved, he/she needs presents. Weird, right? And undeniably tinged with a feeling of selfishness. But let me try and explain. It’s not the type of gift, nor the cost. It’s the fact that someone stopped to think of you during the day and did something about it. Most of my favorite gifts from JJ aren’t expensive or fancy and rarely from some special occasion (though my diamond earrings for bearing two daughters are the major exception). Over the years I can name some of the strangest gifts that I loved the most. My top 5 in no particular order
(1) A set of colored pens. JJ overheard me telling a friend on the phone that I HATE that teachers always seem to be expected to grade in red because I hate red ink. 2 days later he came home and handed me a set of green, purple, and orange pens. *sigh* LOVE.
(2) I struggled finding a way to clean out our oven. Over a weekend, JJ found a spray-on cleaner that he bought and brought home. Score.
(3) Saturday mornings when JJ went and got me Starbucks. Before I became the very happy owner of a Keurig coffee maker, I had trouble making good coffee and he knew I loved it so he went and got it for me.
(4) For my 28th birthday, JJ and I were both really sick. Somehow Natalie escaped it but we had some pretty serious respiratory issues and both of us were barely able to get out of bed. We never celebrated my birthday that year. But he did drag himself out of bed and got me a bagel for my breakfast.
(5) I went to Wichita about 3 days ahead of JJ and took Natalie with me. JJ had to stay and work. As I unpacked all our junk after Nat and I arrived in Kansas, tucked into my toiletries, between my toothpaste and face wash was a note, “I miss my girls. Give Natalie a kiss for me. I love you.” A cheap post-it maybe, but a gift all the same.

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