Even though kids are still a ways off on the horizon JJ and I have had many-a-conversation about philosophical things like how to raise them, how we stand on certain issues, etc. There are still some issues on which the jury is still out. But here are some of our non-negotiables:
- No spanking. We will not spank, slap, or otherwise lay unkind hands on our children with one major exception: if the child’s life is in imminent danger. For instance, if toddler Cooper is reaching for a handle of a pot full of boiling liquid on the stove, toddler Cooper MAY be slapped on the hand or arm to stop him/her from pulling boiling liquid down on top of his head.
- No TV in their bedrooms. We have enough TVs in the house that they can just watch in the den or something. When it’s bedtime, or quiet time, or time spent in their bedrooms, they can spend their time doing something else. Music is okay. I just don’t believe in the whole thing where, to the exclusion of the rest of the world, a child can hole up in his bedroom and watch TV for hours. Don’t get me wrong, I fully intend to take advantage of the fact that when Little Cooper is allowed to watch TV it probably means I can get some other stuff done. I just don’t think Little Cooper should be allowed to watch TV for extended periods of time all by himself.
- Little Cooper will not have a say in what is put on the dinner table. Little Cooper WILL try everything at least once. I would imagine that at some point there will be a “But I don’t LIKE vegetables!” conversation, especially since the apple of my eye JJ doesn’t particularly like veggies so I won’t be fighting 1 battle, I’ll probably be fighting 2. But JJ has promised to try hard to eat without complaining, so that helps. I have seen enough children argue over what they want to eat to know which parents insist on eating healthy and which parents don’t. It’s not a power thing. It’s a “raise-children-with-good-habits” thing.
Things about which the jury is still out.
- Public vs. Private school. JJ came up his whole life through private school until he went to college. I did all of my formal education in public schools until I went to college. I had a unique public education experience, though, in that I went to an IB (International Baccalaureate) school and so we were pretty self contained in a way. All of the discipline issues and free-for-all that sometimes takes place in public schools I definitely saw as I grew up. While the schools themselves are every bit as good as private schools in terms of academics (and I mean overall or on average), the company that some children have to keep as they are learning is sometimes pretty questionable. I’ve heard stories of students flipping off their teachers, swearing in the classroom, and on and on. On the other hand, a good public school, in my opinion, is a great place for children to see all walks of life and different types of people. So like I said, jury’s still out on that one. JJ and I did agree: No home schooling. We just don’t think that the children get enough exposure to the world around them with home schooling.
- Amount of TV the kids will be allowed to watch. We both agree that they don’t need TV in their rooms. On the other hand, JJ watched a good chunk of television as a kid and I watched hardly any and we both turned out okay. As a matter of fact, JJ actually likes to read more than I do, so the whole “Watch-TV-don’t-read” theory doesn’t really work in our case. The whole TV thing is really up in the air.
- Bedtime. I’m a big believer in allowing the kid to get tons of sleep. When the kid gets older, say 6th or 7th grade, and if the kid has shown that he/she is responsible then we might discuss a flexible bedtime i.e. if a sports game is on that’s once-in-a-lifetime (like the Super Bowl), or if he/she is involved in a sport that has a competition at school. But other than that. The problem is that what I think is a good bedtime for elementary age kids, I think JJ thinks is a little early.
And as a reality check, probably nothing like this will actually happen the way we plan it to.
